When I was about 14 years old it was said that a hurricane name Georges was going to hit the Virgin Islands. This was nothing new or of surprise because we experienced hurricanes all the time. It was all over the news, “Hurricane Georges heading toward the V.I. at a category two”. As usual everyone boarded up all their windows and doors. My family had tripled the work because my father owned apartments so he had to board those up as well. After a long night of waiting patiently for the storm, nothing came. Everyone was inflamed. The same day we took the boards off of all the windows of the apartments as well as the house. After a long days work we turned on the television and heard that the storm had turned around and would hit us in a couple of hours but this time as a category four.
We quickly hurried back outside in fear because we had already packed away the boards. After we got them back out my father decided to do the apartments first because the house was stronger, by this time the wind had already began to get stronger. It was even harder than the first time because the force of the wind shifted the boards making them extremely difficult to screw down. When we got to the last apartment it had already began thunder, lightening, and rain. By the time we got back it was too, late leaving no time to put the boards on our house.My mother with furious but came to the conclusion that it would have been too dangerous to go outside and try to do it.
By this time it was really bad, we were all huddled up in one room waiting for it to be over. After a while of creaking noises we suddenly heard a crash, we ran to see what was happening and realized that a piece of the neighbors’ roof flew straight into one of the windows in the house. A few moments later a gust of wind suddenly came through the window and suddenly peeled the roof off of our house. In fright and discomposure, we took some towels and sheets out of the closet and placed them on the floor sealing the room off preventing water from running all around the house. After that point we all found our self under the dining room table. After a long night of trying to keep calm and warm the storm was finally over. After my parents said it was safe we all went outside to see what it was like. I was shocked there were trees everywhere not to mentions peoples things like televisions, lamps, table, beds, dressing tables, microwaves, and everything you could think of. Shortly after we all got in the truck and drove to see the apartments. As we came closer I could see the fear in my parents eyes because there were trees on peoples car as well as telephone poles on others houses. When we got to the houses we were shocked and surprised to see that nothing happen to them when the house right next to it was practically gone, everyone was devastated. I even remember on the radio someone saying a rhyme that said, “Hurricane Georges came through the back door at a category four”. When we got back to our house my father, brother, and I quickly put a cover over the roof to prevent any further water damage while my mother and my sister got the inside of the house back in order. After a couple hard weeks of labor the roof was back on, and besides no current. Unlike everyone else our home was some what back to normal. This experience thought me never to take anything for granted, always be thankful. If you think you have it bad look at the person next to you and you will see that they will almost always have it worst than you. Also, if the person next to you is doing better than you never be jealous them because you never know what they had to go through to get where they are.
We quickly hurried back outside in fear because we had already packed away the boards. After we got them back out my father decided to do the apartments first because the house was stronger, by this time the wind had already began to get stronger. It was even harder than the first time because the force of the wind shifted the boards making them extremely difficult to screw down. When we got to the last apartment it had already began thunder, lightening, and rain. By the time we got back it was too, late leaving no time to put the boards on our house.My mother with furious but came to the conclusion that it would have been too dangerous to go outside and try to do it.
By this time it was really bad, we were all huddled up in one room waiting for it to be over. After a while of creaking noises we suddenly heard a crash, we ran to see what was happening and realized that a piece of the neighbors’ roof flew straight into one of the windows in the house. A few moments later a gust of wind suddenly came through the window and suddenly peeled the roof off of our house. In fright and discomposure, we took some towels and sheets out of the closet and placed them on the floor sealing the room off preventing water from running all around the house. After that point we all found our self under the dining room table. After a long night of trying to keep calm and warm the storm was finally over. After my parents said it was safe we all went outside to see what it was like. I was shocked there were trees everywhere not to mentions peoples things like televisions, lamps, table, beds, dressing tables, microwaves, and everything you could think of. Shortly after we all got in the truck and drove to see the apartments. As we came closer I could see the fear in my parents eyes because there were trees on peoples car as well as telephone poles on others houses. When we got to the houses we were shocked and surprised to see that nothing happen to them when the house right next to it was practically gone, everyone was devastated. I even remember on the radio someone saying a rhyme that said, “Hurricane Georges came through the back door at a category four”. When we got back to our house my father, brother, and I quickly put a cover over the roof to prevent any further water damage while my mother and my sister got the inside of the house back in order. After a couple hard weeks of labor the roof was back on, and besides no current. Unlike everyone else our home was some what back to normal. This experience thought me never to take anything for granted, always be thankful. If you think you have it bad look at the person next to you and you will see that they will almost always have it worst than you. Also, if the person next to you is doing better than you never be jealous them because you never know what they had to go through to get where they are.
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2 comments:
I believe that in the first paragraph you are trying to explain to the reader how and why
you had to write about the topic, however I think that it would be best to eliminate that first paragraph, mainly because most likely the reader knows why you had to write your belief. I also believe that your second paragraph would make the reader more interested in your writing making them want to read what the “storm” is all about.
Your second paragraph is an attention grabber which is a really good thing. I think that
what you were trying to do is to describe what it was like before the storm however you and you’re family bored up and then came to find out that it wasn’t going to hit you. However I did notice a few little errors, some small grammatical ones and other structural. One of the grammatical ones was the word there should be the word their.
There are a few sentences within the second paragraph that was not so clear or sounded a little bit odd. For example the 4th sentence “Unlike anyone else…” you may want to substitute those three words for something a little better and coherent. What also might help your second paragraph is if you cut down on some words that might help make things a little more clearer.
Your third paragraph was very intense. I see that in this paragraph you depicted the unexpected event and the difficulty that you had re-preparing for the storm. You may want to closely reread this paragraph I think there may be a few missing words and/or some words that need to be corrected such as the word ourselves. I also think there are some apostrophe mistakes and subject verb agreement for example the sentence with people’s cars.
Finally your last paragraph has a very deep meaning and is a very important paragraph because it states your strong belief. In my opinion this paragraph is done pretty well I think you just need to reread it and make sure that you catch the little grammatical mistakes like commons and such.
Otherwise your essay was well written coherent and had an overall important belief one that I also share. Good Job on your essay!
I agree with the earlier comment that you don't need to keep the reference to why you ended up writing this essay. In other essays this might be appropriate, but I'm not sure we learn anything in the first few sentences that affects our understanding of your belief.
The story you tell is obviously intense, although I think you should feel free to skip over some of the details of the day to focus attention more on the effect on your family. Your belief seems to be that you believe that one shouldn't take anything for granted. The last sentence about not coveting what others have is related, but not exactly the same, and might confuse some readers.
It would be interesting to articulate a bit clearer how your specific situaton led you to a belief in not taking things for granted. I think you downplay the effects of the storm on your family so much ("Unlike everyone else our home was back to normal.") that it almost seems unlikely that you would reach this belief. In other words, it seems a bit too easy to be thankful when your home and apartments were spared and other people were "devastated."
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